I Hear His Song... And I'm Singing...

This is so beautiful...

His Heart... It Beats For Only Me...

God speaks to me through songs. He uses songs that I like to communicate His feelings towards me. During the week, we were planning what songs to prepare for our jamming session and Elissa suggested one of her favourites. My heart, by Paramore. (see video below.)

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone
Stay with me, this is what I need, please?
The song is like a prayer. The prayer starts off with a confession, a request from a repentant heart that realises the futility of trying to live right or do good without God. This is where I've been so many times, living as if I have got it all under control. That is, until I start messing up.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope
This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?
This is the line that I truly identify with. I often long to hear from God. I often ask God to speak to me but I'm usually listening out only for what I want to hear. This time, Hayley Williams, the lead singer of Paramore, listens before making the request again. It amazes me how honest these lyrics are. I could do things on my own, but it would be meaningless without including God.
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
This is the part that gets to me. I've heard this song many times before. I've seen Hayley singing her heart out in that song. Pointing to God when she sings. It is intense. It is passionate.

But in the last week, when I was listening to the arrangement, God just whispered to me. "You asked for my song? This IS my song to you."
And God started singing this to me over the singing of Hayley and the screaming of Josh Farro. I could see Jesus beating His chest with one fist as He sang.

"This heart? It beats, beats for only you. My heart is yours!
These hands, were pierced, pierced for only you. My blood is yours!
My Blood was shed, shed for only you. My Life is yours!"

And the intensity that God was screaming it brought me to tears even as I was walking home from the MRT. And I began to understand what Psalms 40:3 means.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.

It is only when we understand what God's heart is for us, that we are able to sing a new song of praise back to Him. The consequence is that many will see and fear (be in awe of) and put their trust in the Lord.

How Is Your Heart?

I've been thinking about the expectations and standards that we have here in Singapore and how it relates to people like myself. I had a conversation with a friend which left me confused about the way I'm living my life. Its been pretty obvious for quite awhile that I'm different. I have a different way of thinking and behaving which sometimes makes me feel like I stick out. I feel that I sometimes rub those I consider close friends the wrong way. Even when I don't intend to.

I felt that I've never fit in during my school days. Its strange that my route in the education system would be influenced by my Chinese results and not by my character and the way I learnt. Ever since primary four, my Chinese results began to drop steadily. From A's in primary three to C's in primary six. Because of my PSLE results, I could not go to the first school of my choice and ended up in another neighbourhood school. There, I always stood out as the Chinese boy who could not speak Mandarin.
I was a rarity.

The teacher would call on me to read aloud in class. I would be embarrassed to do so. Sometimes, I would get my classmates to read the text to me before class and I would write down the Hanyu Pinyin (the romanisation of Chinese characters). The words would sound correct but the phrasing would naturally be atrocious because I hadn't a clue what I was reading.
They would laugh.

And it would reinforce my dislike for the subject. For four years, The steady decline continued till the final O' Level Examinations where I bottomed out, getting the lowest possible grades for oral and written examination. This again affected my path of education. I went to polytechnic, which at that time was only beginning to change from its image as a school for those who could not get into Junior College, into a respected education path.

In church, I often feel that I am unwanted because I don't fit in. Whether it was because I dyed my hair or pierced my ears, it seemed like there weren't any that thought, spoke, or acted like me. I believe that I have learnt to embrace the difference. Till today, I still remember my brother's words.
God looks at the heart.

I may have been trying to hard to impress the wrong people. I may have wasted too much of my life feeling bad that I could not meet the requirements of the education system or even my own religion. But when I see myself as who God sees me, I see Jesus in me. I start to understand that the experiences I've had has made me the person I am today. I see my talents swell and put to good use. God has blessed me in the area of music and I will use that to serve Him.

Recently, when I led worship for the Earthwired event, there were those who would rather comment on the unfamiliarity of the songs rather than acknowlege the presence of God. I was bothered by that. I was bothered that there were those who didn't enjoy it. But reminders have been coming in through friends and family that I should focus on doing what is right.
There will always be critics.

"...and some will criticise. Pay no attention. Pay no attention.
For greater shall be the company
of those who give thanks and who praise God for your obedience... "
| Simon Potter - November 2007 |

The greatest satisfaction is being able to let God work through me to reach those who are searching for Him. I was encouraged by those who were lost in worship. There was a girl in the first row who was crying and I could sense God saying, "If she was the only one who was touched by me, that is enough."

Focus on the good.

I Give You Back My Voice...

I've had a change of perspective in the last 4 weeks. I've had the privilege of working with some of the most awesome youth. Both in work and in worship.

I've been seeing youth from the SERVE 2009 programme coming to volunteer at COH. Its amazing how they respond to our clients, playing and interacting with them. I know for a fact that the Emmanual Day Activity Centre is a happier place for both instructors and clients because they came.


The beginning of March has been all about preparing for Earthwired - CAC Youth Event 2009. The committee initially approached me to be one of the instrumentalists. But after some changes, they asked me to lead worship instead.

I believe in the Grace of God. More so after this experience. I had almost completely lost my voice the day before Earthwired. My parents will say I was croaking rather than speaking. I was piling on "pi pa kao" and lozanges. But the thing that turned the whole thing around was coming across Proverbs 4:22 again.

For they (Your Word) are life to those who find them,
and healing to all their flesh.

On the morning of Earthwired, my voice was still hoarse and frog-like. I could not sing any of the songs. But with the encouragements of friends and the band, I kept believing that something miraculous was about to happen.... and it did! As we worshipped during the rehearsal just 45 minutes before the actual praise session, I could feel my voice opening up. And during the worship, I was able to give my all in worship!

I must say, it was the most exciting thing I've had to do this year! It was so encouraging to see the youth jumping in praise, to see the hands lifted in worship, to see the tears on the faces of the youth as God encounters them. God gave me back my voice so that I could sing and minister to His people.

I was born
I was born to sing for you
I didn't have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise...

Justified till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent
| U2 - Magnificent |